Couples in successful relationships always use these 6 phrases: In the complex world of relationships, there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to success. Each partnership is unique, shaped by the individuals’ backgrounds, experiences, and personalities. However, relationship experts and psychotherapists have identified one crucial element that stands out in strong, lasting relationships: effective communication.
While there may not be strict rules for how partners should behave, the importance of clear, empathetic, and honest communication cannot be overstated. In fact, overcommunication – not in the sense of endless chatter, but in the form of expressing appreciation, empathy, and concerns openly – has been found to be a key factor in long-lasting unions.
Amy Morin, a renowned psychotherapist and author of “13 Things Mentally Strong Couples Don’t Do,” has identified specific phrases that couples in healthy relationships tend to use regularly. Let’s explore these phrases and understand why they’re so powerful in building and maintaining strong partnerships.
1. “I’m going to tell you something that may be upsetting to hear”
Honesty is a cornerstone of any healthy relationship, but sometimes the truth can be difficult to express or hear. This phrase serves as a gentle warning, preparing your partner for potentially uncomfortable information. It demonstrates consideration for your partner’s feelings while also showing a commitment to open communication.
For example, if you need to address a concern like, “I felt uncomfortable when you shared our private matters with your family,” prefacing it with this phrase can help set the stage for a more constructive conversation. It shows that while you’re aware the topic might be sensitive, you value transparency in your relationship.
Morin emphasizes that acknowledging mistakes and being honest about needs can help couples grow stronger together. This approach fosters an environment where both partners feel safe to express themselves, even when the topics are challenging.
2. “I need your support right now”
Vulnerability is a powerful tool in relationships. By expressing your need for support, you’re inviting your partner to connect with you on an emotional level. This phrase can be particularly helpful during times of stress or when you’re feeling overwhelmed.
John and Julie Gottman, clinical psychologists who have extensively researched long-lasting relationships, highlight the importance of allowing oneself to be vulnerable. They suggest that turning moments of potential conflict into opportunities for self-disclosure and openness can strengthen the bond between partners.
Asking for a hug or explicitly stating your need for support signals to your partner that you’re experiencing intense emotions and need their presence. This kind of emotional honesty can deepen intimacy and trust within the relationship.
3. “It’s understandable you feel that way”
Empathy is a crucial component of successful relationships. This phrase validates your partner’s emotions, even if you don’t necessarily share the same feelings. It shows that you’re listening and trying to understand their perspective.
By acknowledging the validity of your partner’s emotions, you create a safe space for them to express themselves freely. This doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything they say, but it does show that you respect their feelings and experiences.
4. “I never thought of things that way”
Open-mindedness and the willingness to see things from your partner’s perspective are valuable traits in any relationship. This phrase, along with others like “Let’s compromise here” or “I think your point of view makes sense,” demonstrates that you’re actively listening and considering your partner’s thoughts and opinions.
The Gottmans refer to these as “getting to yes” phrases. They help bridge gaps in understanding and show a willingness to find common ground. By using such phrases, you’re not just trying to establish your own point of view but are genuinely engaging with your partner’s ideas.
5. “I’m sorry for the part I’ve played in this”
Taking responsibility for your actions is essential for resolving conflicts and growing as a couple. This phrase shows maturity and a willingness to acknowledge your role in any disagreements or issues that arise.
Morin points out that when you take responsibility for your share of a problem, you increase the likelihood that your partner will do the same. This mutual accountability can shift the focus from blame to finding solutions, allowing the couple to move forward constructively.
6. “Let’s find a solution”
Successful couples approach problems as a team. This phrase indicates a collaborative mindset, showing that you’re committed to working together to overcome challenges, whether they’re internal to the relationship or external factors affecting one or both partners.
Even if the issue at hand is primarily your partner’s problem, such as a work-related concern, offering to help find a solution demonstrates your investment in their well-being and the strength of your partnership.
The Power of Overcommunication
The common thread running through all these phrases is the concept of overcommunication. This doesn’t mean talking incessantly or sharing every fleeting thought. Instead, it refers to the practice of clearly and frequently expressing appreciation, empathy, and concerns.
Overcommunication in a relationship context means:
- Being transparent about your feelings and needs
- Actively listening to your partner
- Validating your partner’s emotions and experiences
- Showing willingness to compromise and see things from different perspectives
- Taking responsibility for your actions
- Approaching problems as a team
By incorporating these elements into your daily interactions, you create a relationship environment characterized by trust, understanding, and mutual support.
Cultivating Strong Communication Habits
If these phrases don’t come naturally to you or your partner, don’t worry. Like any skill, effective communication can be learned and improved over time. Here are some tips to help you incorporate these powerful phrases into your relationship:
- Practice active listening: Focus on truly understanding your partner’s perspective before formulating your response.
- Be mindful of your tone: Even the most well-intentioned words can be misinterpreted if delivered with the wrong tone. Aim for a calm, sincere delivery.
- Make it a daily habit: Try to incorporate at least one of these phrases into your daily interactions with your partner.
- Reflect on your conversations: After discussions, especially challenging ones, think about how you communicated and where you might improve.
- Be patient: Changing communication patterns takes time. Be patient with yourself and your partner as you work on improving your interactions.
Conclusion
While there’s no universal formula for a perfect relationship, the power of positive, clear, and empathetic communication cannot be overstated. By incorporating phrases that express honesty, vulnerability, empathy, open-mindedness, accountability, and teamwork, couples can significantly strengthen their bonds.
Remember, it’s not just about saying the right words, but about cultivating an attitude of mutual respect, understanding, and support. As Amy Morin notes, regularly using these phrases is a sign of a mentally strong couple. And for those who don’t yet use them, starting to implement these communication strategies can lead to growth both individually and as a partnership.
In the end, successful relationships are built on a foundation of trust, respect, and effective communication. By making a conscious effort to overcommunicate in a positive, constructive way, couples can navigate challenges more smoothly, deepen their connection, and build a lasting, fulfilling partnership.